I'm going to tell a personal story that happened to me when I was a child. I have posted this before, either on this profile, or, the one that I no longer check.

The reason why I chose to post this, is NOT to bring attention to myself, but to hopefully inspire people to observe what is occurring just a bit more. Things ARE NOT as they seem.


I am of a mixed heritage. Part white, part black. My father is white and is directly from England, and my mother is a coal black from the styx of Des Moins, Iowa...they came from strict family backgrounds which carried directly into our very "intense" family environment. Anyone who has been to my home can verify such a statement. It is either really fun and filled with laughs, or, completely tight with an incredible amount of tension. Each of my parents are highly intelligent and have multiple degrees in various forms of education. My father was a former premier Industrial Engineer for the U.S. Navy (Naval Weapons Support Center CRANE Indiana)., and my mother attained "high standing" at Otis Elevator as a head supervisor of production. I don't know the specifics, because, I never really asked. I can assure you though, it wasn't anything "top secret."

-In this next segment...Do NOT feel bad for me here. Trust me when I say, everything that you're about to hear was quite enriching. From DAY ONE in this world, I was NOT given an easy break, and I was exposed to extreme ugliness quite early. It allowed me to be saturated in the psychology of those whom have sick minds and learn how to improve them.- It is part of the nature of my Universal "duty" to know about such things.

One day, due to multiple fiascos involving non-stop fights on the playground, my parents chose to take me to a psychiatrist when I was about 7-8 years old. I had been getting into numerous "altercations" at school and church and somehow, my parents never made the very obvious connection that my mixed heritage MIGHT be somewhat of an obstacle at an "all white school," and then, an "all black church." Needless to say...I've been called EVERY RACIAL SLUR in the book because no one can quite figure out what I am. In effect, I've experienced at least double to triple the amount of racism that blacks, whites, or hispanics could ever boast...because, I've literally been called...oreo, nigger, spick, monkey, baboon, white boy, honkey, creme cake, spade, and all else which has existed under the sun. The only racial slurs that I have not experienced are those of an Asian persuasion.

So, for those who think that they experienced "discrimination" in this life...take a walk in my world.

Nonetheless, I was attacked quite often and chose early on to defend myself. This, of course...got me into tons of trouble.

1. All White School = white administration. I think there was one other black child named Nicole who went there as well.

-Corporal punishment was instilled back then. If I defended myself against attacks from other children, I was automatically the aggressor in the eyes of the school system. Naturally, the kids whom attacked me would claim me as the instigator. I was lied upon by children, teachers, and parents. I was beaten by the kids, and then literally attacked by school officials both physically (paddles etc) and psychologically. This sort of stuff was easy to hide by the system, and my parents naturally believed the school officials because they were supposed to represent "professionalism" and "truth." NOPE.

2. All Black Church = Hostility towards ANYONE of a lighter complexion. -Yep...it REALLY happened. LOTS. -So, for those who want to automatically assume that blacks aren't somehow racist and are always the "victims"...YOU'RE DELUSIONAL. American Blacks can be extremely hateful and aggressive to anything that does not appear precisely similar or act in the same stereotypes that they are accustomed to. Therefore, I experienced SEVERE racism from the church as well. This was more psychological than anything, as I do not remember having to fight other church children. -But, make no mistake, I would later experience physical situations from other blacks from school, soccer practices, and just walking around in public. Between the non-stop hazing rituals of each INSTITUTION, I would later become obsessed with martial arts,self defense, and violence in general.

So...here's the story, which probably won't last nearly as long as the primer.
When I arrived at the psychiatrist's center, I was interviewed and then immediately removed from the presence of my parents. They took me downstairs and led me into a room that had multiple children playing with any number of games and puzzles. The guy who took me in, politely smiled and said, "Go ahead and play with the other children. There are games and toys."

Looking back at this moment, I am more than positive that they wanted to see whether I somehow demonstrated "alpha male" tendencies, which they found out, definitely was NOT the "problem."

While this psychiatrist was closing me into the room from this small hallway which had an additional linked room, I watched him immediately go into that room, separate of the hallway where we came in. I turned around and began to observe the room. The first thing I noticed, besides the other children playing on the southwest side wall, was that there was a massive "window" almost half the size of an entire wall on the North side of the room that was tinted. I walked around and noticed the kids tinkering with things, playing, and talking with one another as they had absolutely no clue or apparent interest in the window. Seemed odd because the window was the first thing that stood out to me in this very large and odd shaped room. Technically, I had absolutely no interest in anything that the other kids were doing. For some reason, I already knew I had nothing in common with them and I intentionally remained somewhat silent. My curiosity remained focused on the window.

After having observed the room for only a minute or so, I walked over to the "window," which of course, was a two-way mirror. I cupped my hands around my head and began peering inside. It only took a second for me to be able to see that there were a few people in there watching our every move. Although I could not make out the details of their faces, I could clearly see their silhouettes as they were writing and observing. I think I even tried to get the attention of one of the other kids to show him, but, he was preoccupied.

Nonetheless, at this point...I began pointing at one of the "observers," and I said..."I can see you." I watched him become confused and look back at me skeptically. He then looked at one of the other observers and they began having some sort of discussion. I tapped on the glass and again said, "Hey, I can see you." -At this point, he literally speaks into some sort of intercom which was not turned up overly loud and says, "No you can't." This finally precipitates my final statement to him..."I'm looking right at you."

It only took about another minute for them to come down and remove me from the rest of the children. They would later try to diagnose me with ADD. They said that although I was "smart," I had a hard time "focusing on the tasks that were in front of me." When they suggested medication to my mother, my mother refused. Evidently they had told my mother what had transpired downstairs, and obviously she must have instinctively figured out that my problem had nothing to do with "FOCUS."

BE AWARE. OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS. This is not a joke, and I'm attempting to give you a "heads-up."

Eternal LOVE...